


la douleur exquise

by clarxe



Category: Power Rangers, Power Rangers (2017)
Genre: Basically a bunch of angst, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Not A Happy Ending, Unrequited Love, ish, some Jason and Kim, some smut, soulmates!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 20:56:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11021442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarxe/pseuds/clarxe
Summary: la douleur exquise - (n.) the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable.akaThe five times Kimberly doesn’t reciprocate Trini’s feelings.Soulmates!Au, unrequited love, and friends with benefits in one oneshot.





	la douleur exquise

**Author's Note:**

> So basically this started off with seeing "'secretly we all love angst' sentence starters" on tumblr but I couldn't choose just one so I chose 5 and you'll see them. 
> 
> Enjoy the angst!

_z e r o_

 

_'kimberly.'_

 

That was the name marked on Trini’s left wrist when she was born. Every person had a name on their wrist and this soulmate thing is basically set in stone and there’s nothing you can do to change it.

 

The world is cruel to brand wrists with a name of your soulmate at birth. It decides the future. There was no freedom to fall in love with anyone else in the world and let the universe just run its course and let your learn and live with mistakes, challenges, and accomplishments. 

 

People have tried to defy the mark. They tattooed over the mark and had a different name tattooed, someone they currently loved, only to end in heartbreak when they find their soulmate.

 

Trini had met two people named Kimberly so far in her life. 

 

One was a girl in her middle school that she had failed head over heels for. Then she learned that the name on the girl’s wrist was not Trinity. Due to that, she was branded a lesbian for having a girl’s name marked on her wrist. She hid her soulmate’s name with a sports band, tape, or whatever to keep it hidden. 

 

The second was during her junior year in high school. Kimberly Hart. The whole school knew her, head cheerleader, queen bee, basically the head bitch dating the quarterback—Jason Scott. 

 

The whole school knew about their relationship—they were basically a match made in heaven. The typical cheerleader and football player stereotype.

 

_‘jason’_ marked on Kim’s left wrist and _‘kimberly’_ marked on Jason’s left wrist. The couple wearsproudly. It was rare to not see the two together except for classes. Like two peas in a pod, meant to be.

 

A month into senior year, the infamous couple breaks up after Jason’s cow incident and car accident as well as Kim’s naked picture dilemma with her best friend. The couple have their fall from grace—from the top of the high school food chain and plummeting down to the bottom. 

 

Then all the sudden they’re Power Rangers. Then Kim and Jason are back together after working with their differences as a group. 

 

They defeat the threat looming over earth and they’re back to being normal high school student—except pretty much alienated. 

 

Trini finds herself in love with pretty much the most unattainable person in the world—Kimberly Hart. 

 

And Trini is there to get caught up in the biggest heartbreak—five times.

 

_o n e_

_“Somewhere deep inside me, I still have hope that you’ll fall in love. How pathetic.”_

 

Trini doesn’t like to get attached to other people. All the moving with her parents made her detached from making life-long friends basically. After becoming a Power Ranger, she’s ready to fight for what she knows is right, if ever her parents decide to move again. 

 

Trini calls all the Rangers her best friends but Kim would have to be the closest one she’s with even if she knows that Kim’s best friend is Jason. Kim is basically the dream girl—maybe Trini is biased because of the name marked on her skin but even if she and Kim were not meant to be—she’ll let herself fall in love with her.

 

So when Kim knocks into Trini’s bedroom at 2 in the morning, Trini opens her window and lets Kim break down. She smelled like alcohol and that’s all Trini could think of. Eventually, Trini lets her guard down and softens up to hug Kim at her worst state. She could feel the tears soaking her shoulder and her body shaking and hiccuping from the all the sobs that Kim produced. 

 

Trini is bad at this—comforting people and taking care of drunk people.

 

Kim stops crying, wiping her tears and runny nose with the back of her hand and sits down on Trini’s bed. “Sorry for coming unannounced” Kim whispered, a hushed broken tone leaving her lips. “I don’t know who else to go to”

 

“What’s wrong?” Trini sits next to Kim, wanting to place a hand on Kim but stops herself. “Wait, are you drunk?”

 

“Just tipsy,” Kim scoffs first then buries her face into her hands, elbows resting on her thighs, “Jason and I broke up… again” 

 

Trini stays silent for moment, unmoving, waiting to see if Kim had anything else to say. Nothing comes out from Kim except for a few sobs. “Do you want to talk about what happened?” Trini asked slowly, eyes glued on Kim’s figure. 

 

Kim sits up and licks her lips, she faces Trini. So Kim tells how Jason is peer pressured by his old football buddies into getting back into some action—just like the cow incident. Of course, the cow incident was bad enough for Jason to cripple his leg, land himself in detention, lost his chance of playing football professionally, and lose the girl (that he ended back together with). 

 

“I had to bail him out of jail today” Kim stands and starts pacing around Trini’s room. “His buddies got him drunk and he was driving and he almost killed someone from the reckless driving today. He turns it around me, he called me a sex offender for sharing Amanda’s naked photo—god, he’s such a dick” Kim groans, pulling her hair in the process. Trini spots Kim’s wrist, a red scar running across Jason’s name. Kim had cut herself earlier. 

 

Trini knew why Kim would cut herself. The subject of Amanda and the naked photo incident is a big deal to Kim, Amanda was Kim’s best friend and she destroyed that by basically destroying Amanda. Ever since then, Kim had a routine of falling in and out of depression—heavily depressed when she and Jason are having their downs.

 

“I don’t know what to do, Trin.” Kim sits back down on Trini’s bed, laying her head on Trini’s shoulder where Trini remains unmoved. 

 

“I don’t know what to say, Kim” Trini starts, finally resting a hand on Kim’s knee to show support. _‘you could be mine’_ is what Trini would’ve said but she knows that Kim does not look at her that way. 

 

Kim sits up, she reaches for something on her back pocket—a flask—then drinks the remains. Kim groans at the liquid, the harsh taste, the liquid courage then she kisses Trini. 

 

“Can you please just… make me forget about everything. Make me forget him even for a moment.” Kim mutters into Trini’s lips. Trini could taste the alcohol in Kim’s mouth. Trini doesn’t know if it was the alcohol or the kiss that intoxicated her but she likes it. She feels Kim’s hand landing on her chest and pushed gently to fall back into the bed, soon straddled by Kim.

 

Trini hates herself. Trini hates the fact that Kim is using her and she’s fine with it. She hates that this kiss is nothing but a drunken kiss. She hates how she’s basically using Kim to fulfill her own desires.

 

At the same time, Trini loves it. Trini loves having Kim in her arms. Trini loves kissing Kimberly. Trini loves Kimberly. Period. Whatever this kiss meant… it means the world to Trini to have Kim kiss her. A dream that she thought would never come true. 

 

So Trini takes Kim’s flask and takes a shot at whatever alcohol there is and obeys Kim without another word, she made Kim forget about Jason. She lets Kim take over her body.

 

Kim touches Trini and vice versa. She knew this is wrong but doesn’t say anything to stop. 

 

Soon they were both naked under the covers. Kim thrusting her fingers deep inside Trini. Trini didn’t care if her hands were pinned above her head. She didn’t care that Kim handled her roughly. What Trini did care about is Kim touching her in places she never thought Kim would ever touch. She cared that Kim had just made her orgasm for the 2nd time that night. She cared at the fact that Kim kissed her hungrily, her lips, her neck, her jaw, her collarbone, everywhere. 

 

And for the third time, Trini orgasmed. Trini broke free from Kim pinning her hands above thenpulled on Kim’s hair and clawed Kim’s back, moaning and yelping at the pleasure she’s feeling. Kim orgasmed too, even without being touched.

 

They comforted each other from their orgasm by kissing. Lips, neck, face, anywhere the lips could reach. It’s comfort, it’s pleasure, and it’s pain.

 

But Kim doesn’t let Trini fuck her. Kim excused herself as wanting to rest after the long day and night of emotional and physical exhaustion. Trini knew it had something to do with her feelings for Jason. 

 

“Jason can’t know about this” Kim whispers as she lays on the bed, catching her breath. 

 

Trini watched Kim face her back towards Trini. 

 

Heartache.

 

Everything and nothing about this is real. Everything is real physically but it all means nothing. 

 

Trini lets herself indulge in what was presented to her, she wraps an arm around Kim and snuggles her from behind. She hears Kim’s cries but doesn’t say anything. Everything they had just done is basically taboo but she indulges anyway. 

 

Kim had trashed around in her sleep, waking Trini up. Then Trini was facing Kim’s face at 5 AM in the morning. Trini runs a finger from Kim’s jawline to the side of her ear, placing an escaped strand of hair behind Kim’s ear. 

 

“Somewhere deep inside me, I still have hope that you’ll fall in love. How pathetic.” Trini chuckles to herself and lets a tear fall down the side of her face.

 

Trini takes it all in because this could be the only time this could ever happen. The only time any of this could ever happen. She takes it all for herself. 

 

—

 

The next day, Kim was nowhere to be found and Trini accepted the reality. At least she got to live her dream. 

 

Everything pretty much changed after that night. The team dynamic was off course, not only because of Kim and Jason’s break up but also because of the secret that Kim and Trini harbors about themselves. 

 

The two girls didn’t say anything about that night. They see each other at school and during training, they talk but they never talked about what happened. 

 

Until Kim and Jason are back together. Zack and Billy were ecstatic to have the soulmates back together, they thought everything is back on course but they were wrong. Trini knows everything is not smooth sailing. 

 

“You and Jason are back together, huh?” Trini asks when Kim climbs up her window, her eyes never looking up to meet Kim’s. She pretended to be invested in studying biology. 

 

“Yeah, uhh… Trini look—about that night, it—“ Kim starts, she’s flustered and embarrassed but Trini stops her.

 

“Jason can’t know,” Trini looks up at Kim from where she sat, a small fake smile on her lips formed, “It never happened” Trini whispers under her breath and gives a small nod.

 

Kim releases a sigh of relief then shows a small smile. “But we’re still friends, right?” Kim hooks her arm onto Trini’s arm and smiles widely at Trini. 

 

“Of course,” Trini smiles then they spot Jason across the hall giving the two girls a wave. 

 

“Gotta go, I’ll see you during bio.” Kim unhooks her arm and runs towards Jason.

 

Trini watches it all, seeing her dream girl hug her boyfriend and kiss each other. It’s just like watching a movie.

 

Trini feels a tear go down her face but wipes it quickly. 

 

_t w o_

_“To think I’ve changed so much to get you to like me, and you still never really look my way.”_

 

Trini collapsed from exhaustion. It’s the beginning of winter break and she focused all her energy into training. Since yesterday, she’s been at the pit from dusk until dawn fighting putties by herself then sparring with the team. By the second day, she barely had anything to eat or drink that she just collapsed sparring with Kim. 

 

When Trini wakes up at the med bay, she finds Kimberly sitting on a chair right next to her bed. There’s food and water available right on the nightstand but she glances away and looks at Kim who avoided eye contact with her. 

 

“So uhm, I was cleaning your wounds and dirt earlier,” Kim starts, she then looks at Trini, she pushes her chair forward to get Trini’s attention. “I didn’t mean to take your sports band off… But my name is…”

 

Trini unconsciously touched her left wrist trying to feel for her absent yellow sports band. She winces, not physically, emotionally, knowing Kim now knows the name of her soulmate. Trini’s eyes wanders from Kim’s face down to Kim’s wrist. 

 

_‘jason’_ Trini read. Kim notices where Trini’s eyes were and covers the name on her wrist hoping that it would ease Trini’s pain that a different name is on her wrist. 

 

Trini touches her own wrist. She subconsciously knows the location of each letter in her wrist. Then she covers her left wrist with her right hand. 

 

“Are you,” Kim hesitantly starts off, eyebrows curled in confusion. “Are you in love me?” Kim’s fingers sat on her own lap, fidgeting with each other. 

 

Trini looks at Kim’s face first, then her fingers, then the name on her wrist. Trini focuses her eyes back at Kim’s eyes, “I am.” 

 

Kim licks then bites her own lips. “Trini, I’m—“

 

“I know, Kim. You’re with Jason. You’re in love with Jason. The name on your wrist doesn’t say _‘trini’_ ” Trini says right off the bat. “You don’t have to say sorry. The universe doesn’t give us a chance to fall in love” 

 

“God, I feel awful,” Kim stands and recovers the name on her wrist in respect for Trini. “We had sex, Trini. I—I basically used your feelings”

 

“Are you serious right now?” Trini sits up slowly, avoiding the ache that her body had sent. “I used you! You were vulnerable and… you were available.” Trini’s sudden realization struck her like lighting. She gulps and looks down, she felt like she was being choked. Her own hand grasped her neck at the sudden panic attack.

 

“Trini?” Kim briskly walks to Trini, she sees tears fall off her face. Kim sits down at her own chair, leaning forward, placing her hands on Trini’s shoulders to get the smaller girl to calm down. “Hey. Hey. Look at me.” But Trini didn’t stop. Kim reached for the unopened water bottle and twisted the cap and guided Trini to drink. 

 

“Shh…” Kim lulls as she helps Trini drink water. 

 

“I’m okay,” Trini releases the now empty water bottle from her lips. “Sorry… I’m selfish”

 

“What?” Kim takes the water bottle and placed it on the nightstand. 

 

“I’m selfish!” Trini yells, “I want you, Kim! I used you!” Trini sobbed, no restraint. “To think I’ve changed so much to get you to like me, and you still never really look my way.”

 

It’s true. Trini had tries her best to become closer to people after meeting Kimberly, especially after becoming Power Rangers. She genuinely tried to become more of a person rather than just some wallpaper waiting for life to just pass by.

 

Kim was speechless. She didn’t know what to say. Kim didn’t reciprocate the feelings that Trini had for her. 

 

“Can you tell me something… No lies?”

 

“Okay”

 

“If these soulmate marks never existed… Do you think you’d love me? Romantically, I mean.” Trini looks down and closes her eyes, waiting for Kim’s response. 

 

“The thing is… I see you as my best friend. We had sex once but…” Trini looks over to Kim, she sees the dilemma in Kim’s face, unable to find the words to say. “You’re my best friend and I see nothing more between us.” 

 

Trini lowers her head in sadness. “Thank you for telling the truth.” A small smile forms on Trini’s lips.

 

Trini felt a hand on her cheek then suddenly she’s facing Kim. A chaste kiss planted on her cheek. “You’ll find your Kimberly someday. It’s just not me. Some better Kimberly will take care of you and love you more than I ever will. I love you, Trini but it’s… platonic”

 

Trini understood. Somewhat those words that Kim had relied to her makes her want to move on. Trini has every intention to—move on from loving someone unattainable—but her feeling won’t let her.

 

_t h r e e_

_“To think, we thought just the sex would be enough to keep us in love.”_

 

Jason found out about their one night stand. Trini finds the couple verbally fighting at the pit. 

 

“We were broken up at the time!” Trini hears Kim yell, she sees Kim push Jason by his shoulders causing him to stumble back just a little bit but catches himself. 

 

“Yeah, we were broke up for a couple hours and you jump your best friend!” Jason was furious and his fist curled up. He unclenches his fist and runs his fingers through his hair. “She is not your soulmate, Kim… My name is on your wrist and your name on mine…” Jason steps forward and takes Kim’s left hand and faces it palm up to caress the name on her wrist. “I’m sorry for losing my temper. I just want us… but we can’t do this if we keep becoming on and off”

 

Kim pulls back, “I’m tired, Jason. I love you so much but…”

 

“Don’t say it… Please don’t say it” Jason closes his eyes and a hand clenches his own hair. 

 

“Jason… what if there’s a different Kimberly out there for you and a different Jason for me?” Kim takes a step back to put some distance between her and Jason.

 

“What are the chances that we’ve known each other since elementary… became Power Rangers together… and everything that happened to us. What are the chances that we’re actually soulmates… I’d say it’s pretty big, Kim”

 

“I love you, Jason… But right now, that small percentage of us not being each other’s soulmates is pretty high”

 

Jason takes a deep sigh to calm himself and agree with Kim. “I love you, Kim” Jason says before unconsciously touching his wrist. “So what now?”

 

“I think we need to break up… again” Kim lowers her head at the repeated situation. 

 

Trini watched it all from behind a rock wall, continuously remaining silent as she eavesdropped. Her heart ached seeing Kim and Jason, the wonder couple, break up once again, repeating the cycle of on and off relationships. But Kim truly does have a point. The universe is truly cruel. 

 

“You know, if you are the _‘jason’_ on my wrist and I’m the _‘kimberly’_ on yours… We’ll always find our way to each other, you know?” Kim shows a small smile. “This is just one of our ups and downs and… we’ll find our way to each other” 

 

Kim takes a step forward and kisses Jason’s cheek. “I will always love you, Jason. Right now, we’re just toxic for each other.” A hand placed on the other side of Jason’s cheek. “You’re my soulmate and we’ll find our way to each other again in time” 

 

With Kim’s acceptance that Jason is her soulmate, Trini’s heart broke into a million pieces. 

 

Then Jason walks back and Trini hides hoping that Jason wouldn’t spot her but he did. He looks at her with sad eyes. then forces a smile towards her. 

 

“You take care of her, okay?” Then Jason walks away, back out of the pit. 

 

Trini is left stunned by what he meant. Did he just give her permission to fall in love with Kim… even if Kim doesn’t feel that way or maybe just take care of her in general? Trini ponders there for a couple minutes still trying to figure out what Jason meant. 

 

Then Trini hears a sob. The same heart wrenching sob that she had heard before. She made her presence known to Kim who suddenly got up from her position and wiped all the tears running down her face and smiled at Trini.

 

“Jason and I are—“

 

“Broken up again. I know. I heard. He told me to take care of you” Trini smiles and sits down on a rock parallel to Kim. 

 

“And how do you plan on taking care of me?” 

 

“You tell me… What can I do to make you feel better?” 

 

“Sex” Kim says, “sex takes me away… it’s relief and pleasure and… euphoric”

 

Trini spun her head around to fast she almost pretty much broke her own neck trying to look at Kim. Her mouth dangled open at Kim’s sudden blurt. Trini wanted it so badly—to have sex with Kim but she knows deep down that it’s not right.

 

“Kim, us having sex broke you and Jason up again!” Trini stands facing Kim, slight anger and confusing mixed on her face. 

 

“I know. I know that you were listening to our breakup. You know that if Jason and I are truly soulmates, we’ll find our way to each other” Kim starts walking towards Trini in a slow pace, eyes never leaving Trini. Oh God, Kim’s eyes were sultry, almost filled with lust. Kim placed her hands on Trini’s jaw.

 

Trini grabs Kim’s hands and lowers them down.

 

“You don’t even love me,” Trini looks up into Kim’s eyes then down to their hands holding each other. Trini lets go and turns around, ready to walk out. “To think, we thought just the sex would be enough to keep us in love.”

 

Kim grabs Trini’s shoulder and gets Trini to face her. “I’m sorry, Trini. That was selfish of me, I shouldn’t have asked that from you” 

 

“It’s okay,” Trini forces a smile, still unable to look up into Kim’s brown eyes. “I should go though. Call me if you ever need anything else” 

 

_f o u r_

_“This whole time you’ve still been in love with him… Not me.”_

 

Trini agrees. Trini agrees to having sex with Kim later that same night and they both mutually agree that they’re friends with benefits. Trini had thought that she should care but she really doesn’t because this is what she’s been chasing—Kim. 

 

Anything that Kim wanted, Trini would give in an instant—well, except for Kim asking for sex earlier, it didn’t happen instantly but it eventually happened. 

 

So that same night, it happened just like the first night they spent together. Kim having her way with Trini. The same hungry kisses everywhere from Trini’s face to body. The same fingers thrusting inside and out of Trini until she hits her climax and orgasms. Kim is enough—more than enough. 

 

It happens almost every night, Trini let Kim in her room or she goes to Kim’s, lets Kim take her, kisses, fingers, tongue, hands, etc. Kim does all that—take Trini to oblivion. 

 

Trini knows why she agreed. She agreed because it meant having Kim in her arms and she could pretend that this is all reality. Everything can go away and that unrequited love never existed. After the sex, reality comes crashing down and Kim still thought of Jason. 

 

Despite the pain—Trini will always seek Kim and the pleasure that Kim delivers. Trini will always do whatever it takes to at least have Kim touch her skin, kiss her lips, anything despite the heartbreak. 

 

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Kim props an elbow from her lying down position, a hand caressing Trini’s stomach as Trini is coming down from her orgasm. Her breaths were still heavy from Kim’s ministrations to her body. 

 

“Of course, you give the best fucking orgasms” Trini takes one last deep breath and relaxes onto her pillow. Trini’s hand lays on top of Kim’s free hand. 

 

“I mean, letting me use you like this,” Kim sends her hand to Trini’s face and caresses her cheek. Getting rid of the lipstick that was on the side of Trini’s mouth. “You know I don’t feel the same way as you do”

 

“I know,” Trini breathes out, now her hand goes up to Kim’s face and caresses it. 

 

“Then why? Kim asks, lowering her head away from her own arm and landing on the pillow to face Trini properly. “Why do you hurt yourself just to take care of me? Why are you letting me do this?”

 

Trini shuts her eyes, bring her hand behind Kim’s head and clenches her hair. Trini brings their forehead together and her face softens as she opens her eyes to meet Kim’s deep brown orbs. “Because I will take anything you give me… It makes me forget that you don’t love me and that’s enough, just like how I make you forget about Jason. I will take any touch you give or any kiss or whatever it is you can give me just so I can feel like you love me.” 

 

Then Trini feels Kim’s lips on hers. Its wasn’t hungry or dominating, it’s passionate and it gave Trini life. Kim pulls Trini’s body to lay on top of her, not breaking the kiss at all. 

 

“You can touch me,” Kim whispers through the kiss, “You can take me… However you want. It’s the least I can do” Kim replies in a sultry voice, a small kiss on Trini’s lips.

 

Trini didn’t know what to do, her hands remained on Kim’s sides.

 

Kim spreads her legs slightly, she takes Trini’s hands and guides Trini’s left hand to her waist, the right hand going down near her pelvis. Kim takes Trini’s finger and helps Trini guide it to touch her clit. 

 

“I don’t own you, Kim” Trini shakes her head slightly, lips only centimeters away still. Trini felt Kim’s hot breath and moan on her lips. Trini’s fingers still not moving until she’s sure of what is going on. “This whole time you’ve still been in love with him… Not me.”

 

“Pretend,” Kim spreads her legs more and starts grinding on the lone finger. “Pretend like you always do. Fuck me and pretend I’m yours.” Kim wrapped her arms around Trini’s shoulders and brings her close. “I’m yours.”

 

That was enough to let Trini take over Kim’s body. She starts stimulating Kim’s clit using the remaining wetness from earlier’s sessions and spreading that wetness everywhere until Kim is slick enough. 

 

“Are you sure?” Trini asks as she lowers her fingers more ready to enter Kim. 

 

“Yes” Kim kisses Trini, biting Trini’s lower lip as she feels pleasure.

 

Trini enters Kim with a long finger, she takes care of Kim gently. It was almost opposite, Kim loves having her way with Trini rough and Trini loves having her way with Kim gently. It balances together and Trini pretends that the girl in front of her loves her so much. 

 

“Add a finger” Kim moans as she grabs a fistful of Trini’s hair and her legs trash slightly. Trini takes her free hand to caress Kim’s thigh and ass. Trini adds a finger inside Kim and then uses her thumb so continue to stimulate Kim’s clitoris. 

 

Trini’s lips left Kim’s and found its way behind Kim’s ear and neck, kissing that area a lot. Trini touches Kim a lot. She pretends that she owns Kim and is wanting to give Kim the best orgasm of her life. 

 

“Oh, shit” Kim moans as she bites her own bottom lip and thrusts her body towards Trini’s thrusting fingers. “Harder… Faster… I’m so close” 

 

Trini kisses Kim in the lips, showing all her love to this girl writhing beneath her. Her girl—in her dreams at least. 

 

“Fuck!” Kim breaks the kiss and her whole body arches upwards as she orgasms hard. Kim brings Trini’s lips to hers harshly, her nails digging into Trini’s back and pulling on Trini’s hair—all that to keep her from trashing around the bed as she explodes.

 

Trini keeps pumping her fingers in and out gently, helping Kim to have the most pleasurable orgasm and then helping her come down from it. Trini releases her fingers from inside Kim and plays with Kim’s clit. 

 

“Oh God… That was amazing” Kim closes her eyes in euphoria as her body continues to spasm, still feeling Trini’s fingers play with her clit. “I have to admit, girls are better than guys when it comes to sex” Kim smiles with her eyes closed and bites her lip as she continues to drift into oblivion. 

 

“I’m actually really glad to hear that,” Trini smiles and takes her fingers away from Kim’s clit, wiping it on the bedsheets that she knows she has to wash later. Trini flops her body next to Kim and they both laugh at each other.

 

Everything felt so right. Kim placed an arm around Trini’s abdomen and Trini scooted forward to Kim’s touch.

 

As they fall asleep, Trini continues to look at Kim and caressing Kim’s face until Kim falls asleep first.

 

Reality comes crashing down because even at the end of their sexual activities, Kim is still not hers… and will never be hers.

 

_f i v e_

_“I’ve never met someone who can so gently destroy me the way you do.”_

 

“Are you planning on getting back together with Jason anytime soon?” Trini asked as she lays naked on the bed with Kim by her side. Trini finally asked the question that had been on her head for the past week. 

 

Kim’s closed eyes slowly opened then focused on Trini’s face.

 

“Uhm… Yeah… He’s in a good place and our friendship isn’t that bad right now but this… whatever we’re doing is kinda fun… no strings attached kind of thing, you know?” Kim smiles at Trini but Trini doesn’t smile back at Kim. “I thought this makes you happy?”

 

“It does,”

 

Night after night, they have intercourse as a way to rewind and forget all the troubles that they had. Some nights, it just wasn’t enough anymore. Trini finds herself to be craving more than just Kim’s touch. Trini wanted love and affection and that’s something Kim could not give. 

 

“What’s with the question then?” Kim asks with a confused chuckle, a hand caressing Trini’s waist, she looks at Trini with concerned eyes then watches as Trini places a hand on Kim’s and push the hand away from her waist. Trini stands up and puts a shirt on. “Trini?”

 

“You know you can get back together with Jason whenever you want, right? You don’t have to think about me.” Trini leans back on her wall, avoiding eye contact with Kim. _‘Like you ever thought about me’_ Trini wanted to add but it would’ve just sounded harsh. 

 

“Trin… I just told you, I’m having fun with you” Kim stands and walks towards Trini. Hands wrapped around Trini’s small figure and Kim pulls Trini close to her.

 

Trini pushes Kim away, “What if…” Trini stops and lowers her head, “What if I’m not happy with this anymore? Maybe it just doesn’t make me feel complete as I thought”

 

“Oh…” Kim blandly says. 

 

“I mean… I’m happy that you’re happy doing this with me and I know I said I’m fine with everything that goes on between us… but when I leave or when you leave I break every time” Trini whispers her last sentence as she stays to cry. “I thought that as long as you give me some sort of hope or love, I’ll be fine but I’m not” Trini sobs even harder. “I’m not fine and I’m depressed and…” Trini chokes “I’ve never met someone who can so gently destroy me the way you do.”

 

Kim hugs the broken girl into her arms and lets her cry, “Trini, this relationship is not just about me… This is about you too. We consented at first but when things starts getting tough and things needs to stop between us… Then so be it for your mental health” Kim pulls back and wipes the tears falling out of Trini’s face. 

 

“We should probably stop,” Trini says as she drops her head on Kim’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Kim.” 

 

“Trini, your health is more important than this sexual relationship” Kim lifts Trini’s face up and connects their foreheads together. “At the end of the day, I am still your friend and I will continue to be here for you”

 

Trini sniffles to stop crying. 

 

“You should… You should get back together with Jason”

 

“Jason and I are taking a long break… I don’t think we’re getting back together soon.”

 

“I mean… I give you permission to get back together with him. We talked and he loves you so much and he’s been sad and… the team balance is off because of us…” Trini takes Kim’s left hand and puts it wrist up, she touches the name on Kim’s wrist. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that our friends with benefits days are over” Trini gives a fake smile then frowns at herself, she lets go of Kim’s hand. “I guess I want to move on…” 

 

“It’s been fun” Kim whispers as she leans down and grabs a shirt to cover herself. 

 

“Can you… can you just do one last thing for me before I truly let you go” Trini walks over to Kim’s study table and grabs a sharpie from her collection of pencils, pens, and markers.

 

Trini grabs Kim’s left wrist and strikethrough the name _‘jason’_ and puts the name _‘trinity’._ Kim doesn’t do anything to stop her. This is Trini and this is one of the last things she can do to ease her friend’s heart.

 

“Kiss me one last time and tell me you love me.” Trini looks up to Kim’s eyes, continuously looking at Kim’s plump lips. 

 

“I don’t want to hurt you” 

 

“You don’t have to mean it… Just do it… For me, please” 

 

Kim leans down and gives Trini the most passionate kiss that she could ever relay to someone. Pouring all her energy to kiss this broken girl in her arms. It guilts her to not fall in love with this beautiful creature but Kim just doesn’t feel the same way Trini does. 

 

“I love you” Kim whispers to Trini’s lips as they part. 

 

“Goodnight, Kim” Trini smiles then leans down to grab her discarded clothes and briskly puts it on. 

 

Kim waits for Trini to be fully dressed. “Goodnight, Trini” Kim grabs the sides of Trini’s face and plants a kiss on Trini’s forehead. Then she watches as Trini jumps down her window and off into the night. Kim looks at her left wrist.

 

_~~‘jason~~ ’_

_‘trinity'_

 

Just like always, reality comes crashing and Trini’s heartbroken once again but this time—for the first time in forever—she accepts her reality and smiles into the night as she walks home.

 

_e p i l o g u e_

_la douleur exquise_

 

“All done!” The tattoo artists says as Trini hears the last buzz of the needles that pierced her skin. Trini felt the tattoo artists wipe the blood away from her skin then looks at her left wrist. 

 

A yellow thunderbolt over the name _‘kimberly’_ and the phrase _‘la douceur exquise’_ below the yellow thunderbolt. 

 

“Looks awesome” Trini smiles at her wrist. “Thank you”

 

—

 

Kim and Jason sits down at their lunch table across from Trini. They all smile at each other but Jason notices the bright yellow thunderbolt on Trini’s skin along with some words he didn’t read.

  
“Cool thunderbolt tattoo,” Jason points out and Kim puts her focus on Trini’s left wrist realizing what it covers. “Maybe we should all get one. Be right back, I see Billy with that douchebag again” Jason left the table, leaving the two girls alone. 

 

 

 

“La douleur exquise” Kim says in fluent French. Kim did take French all four years of high school, “Exquisite pain? No offense but you’re Latina, not French”

 

“Haha Kim… No, really, it’s… it has a deeper meaning honestly. It’s mostly for me” Trini smiles as she unwraps her sandwich. 

 

Zack arrives before Kim could say anything. The two friends start talking about the tattoo on Trini’s wrist and how cool it looked, according to Zack. Jason and Billy arrives a moment later and the group talked about Trini’s tattoo and how they all planned on getting a thunderbolt with their respective Ranger color tattoo. 

 

Kim remains silent as she pulls out her phone and types on the web browser, _‘la douleur exquise’_

 

_‘(n.) the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable.’_

 

Kim reads then looks up at Trini smiling with the boys about her tattoo. The tattoo is basically about Kim and it’s forever implanted on Trini’s skin. 

 

Trini looks up and sees the frown on Kim’s face, she guesses that Kim found out what the words mean as she noticed the phone on her hands. 

 

“Hey, princess,” Trini says and it breaks Kim from her transfigured state, “Don’t think about it too much.” 

 

Trini smiles and Kim does too. 

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me. I love you all. I tried to make it more lighthearted at the end but I don't think I did a good job.
> 
> I honestly had an angstier ending than this so yeah... i don’t know which one you guys would like more. I went with the lighthearted one. 
> 
> Yell at me on tumblr @kxmberlyhart


End file.
